Wounds
by 3zioand5ofia
Summary: Levi/Petra one-shot. What was that ray of sunlight, which now has gone? Why is Levi's heart suddenly colder than ever? It was her. It was always her.


_"Levi?"_

_"What now, Petra?"  
_

_"Commander Erwin wishes to see you. He looks a little vexed about something."_

_"Send him in."_

_"Hm, you sound weary."_

_"Don't I always?"_

_"It's different this time. You're usually...hacked off. This is an improvement."_

_"Flattery will get you nowhere, Petra."_

_"Suit yourself. I like your cape, by the way."_

_"Wha-? It is the same as yours!"_

_"Huh, 'flattery will get you nowhere'. Why are you blushing, then?"_

_"I'm not blushing."_

_"That shade of pink matches your eyes, Levi...do it again."_

_"Get back to work."_

* * *

**LEVI**

For every wound, there is something to heal it with.

Bandages. The strips of conspicuous white, which cover the blow. They show not what horrors lie beneath – only that the bearer is hurt. Lotions. Juices from the flowers; they soak the skin. But the pain never drowns; it swims in the liquid. Time. The sore closes over with each passing second. Distraction. Separating heart from mind. Patience. Silence. There is a remedy for all kinds of wound.

But not this one.

I may well bandage my entire face, and they would not notice. The Survey Corps continue as normal. So do I, or so it seems. Not a hint in my eye, nor voice, nor movement. To them I'm still cold as a cannonball. To them, nothing has changed for me. To them, she was another lost soldier. They were saddened to see her go: she was an asset to our cause.

To me, she was so much more.

She was everything I yearned for, but could never have. A man can only stand in one place. My feet were fixed in the Survey Corps. I had no room for anyone else. This was the price I paid when becoming captain. I could admire her from a distance – her amber eyes, golden hair, flawless face and coy smile. A distance.

Bypassing Sina, Rose and Maria, I had my own walls. They protected me from the outside world. Not a soul could breach them. I watched her through the glass, knowing I could never touch. She was a ghost; a fellow fighter. She was close...yet somehow impossibly far away. The walls were too protective. But they didn't stop the feeling. They didn't stop my blood boiling like a titan, whenever she walked past. They didn't stop my stomach sinking whenever she tried to get through. They weren't enough to stop me from being hurt.

My eyes would un-glaze whenever she looked at me. God, I loved that feeling. It was the only warmth I had left. But they were only flecks. Nothing could melt the ice around my heart, and now she is gone, it is thicker than the walls themselves.

It had my heart clenched, the coldness. I watched her lifeless body sail through the air...and I was finished. Whatever left in me _could've_ nurtured her, or _could've_ shown affection, shattered. And now, her corpse was out there; her eyes still wide with shock; her face forever frozen. A fate worse than death. It was far from what she deserved.

Whenever one of the squad calls my name, I stop. I wonder whether they should be calling me 'Captain'; whether I earned the title. I threw her body into the wilderness. What sort of captain am I? Should it have been me out there instead? Should I have been there to save her?

But I know that – even then – I'd never care. Not the way I do now. Perhaps she would grieve over my absent body. Perhaps not. She was stronger; better than that. She would bandage up the wound of her heart and continue. Maybe I will, one day. I will sit and wait; see if time heals this ache. I'm not a titan, though. My heart doesn't just regrow. And time has done nothing, so far.

Why should my walls close over, so darkness is all I see? Why should my wounds open with every second? It's because I realise it now. It's too late, but she was the one who chipped the barrier. She let in some sunlight, without which I would be a heartless demon. She saved me. I just couldn't save her. And now, when I am starved of what my heart needs, I know it. I can admit it. I can find what this wound is, and why there is no cure.

_I love you, Petra._

* * *

**Hey guys! My best friend got me into Attack On Titan, and this pairing was probably my favourite. So I thought I'd do a oneshot. You know, as a bit of a breather...anyway I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!**


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